Emotional intelligence is the ability to handle our own emotions and manage our relationships. It involves 5 domains: self-awareness, self-control, empathy, sociability and self-motivation.
What makes someone be considered to be professionally successful? Skill with numbers? Ease with words? To be self-taught on a musical instrument? Have Einstein’s IQ? Some of it does, but these capabilities are not enough if one does not have the famous emotional intelligence.
It is through well-developed emotional intelligence that you can build healthy relationships (with family, with friends, at work), have more productivity, develop your ability to grow in your career, be seen as a responsible worker, and have the power to inspire.
Want to get the hang of it right now? So keep reading!
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence, according to renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman, is the ability to deal with our own emotions and manage our relationships. It involves 5 domains: self-awareness, self-control, empathy, sociability and self-motivation.
What is its importance?
Well, of course it’s important to have well-developed emotional intelligence. Unless you are a monk and you want to isolate yourself from the world, somehow you have to deal with people. And unless you’re a robot, you have to deal with hundreds of feelings within yourself daily. Let’s see some examples of the importance of emotional intelligence?
Does not destroy your reputation
Have you ever regretted something you did or said in the heat of the moment, whether it’s with friends or at work? Depending on the seriousness of the situation and the degree of freedom you had in the environment, you may have had a slight (or large) “burnt” feeling. Or you may have hurt someone important. So is not it best to avoid this?
Does not make you lose opportunities
Have you ever stopped to think about how people feel when they relate to you? If you pass on a negative feeling, from an emotionally unstable person, your friends, co-workers, and clients start to avoid your contact. With this, you lose the chances of building happier relationships and having more professional achievements.
Helps you separate personal issues
Okay, in that part we can hold your hand and say: we know it’s quite difficult to have a legal productivity when we have a headache full of problems. Depending on the situation, it is even impossible.
In spite of this, most of the time we can leave our emotions a little aside and prevent them from affecting other relationships.
For example, even if you have just fought at home and are dying of anger, you can not reach your office by knocking on the door and yelling at the boss, do you agree? The reverse situation is also not legal. For the sake of your family, you can not discount all the negative emotions you got from work.
Makes you have a more constant motivation
Sometimes we feel our motivation a bit unstable. Occasionally, it may vary depending on external situations. For example, if we receive a critique in our work, we become unmotivated. If we get compliments, we get motivated. This is normal up to a point.
When extrinsic conditions influence us intensely, this may suggest insecurity on our part, which is bad for our performance. The healthy thing is that there is a balance in internal motivation and a more positive self-image. This encourages us to seek better performance when we get negative ratings.
How to develop emotional intelligence in 9 steps?
Just as some people are born very easily to deal with large numerical calculations, others have a good resource for some (or some) of the domains cited earlier: self-awareness, self-control, empathy, sociability, and self-motivation. They are different types of intelligence, but can be developed with some dedication.
So, let’s look at some important steps to improve your emotional intelligence?
1. Learn to hear criticism
We all like compliments, do not we? After all, we dedicate time and energy to doing something, and therefore we need a reward. But try to look at criticism as a form of personal and professional growth. They are opportunities you have to be someone even better.
Imagine the following: Someone does not like something you did, or what you said, or your performance. Despite this, this person pretends to be all right and says nothing. So you do not change and you continue to act in the same way. But does not this not take away your opportunity to develop? It’s fairer that you know what you need to do to please, do you agree?
Also, do not take everything personally. It’s not about you, it’s about your action. We are not perfect at all, so we always have to learn something.
“Okay, but what if the person offends me with this?”, You may have thought. Well, that’s her problem, is not it? It means that she may not have this ability to relate and need to learn. Try to absorb only the essentials of the message, and how you will solve this question of its rudeness will depend on the kind of relationship you have.
2. Deal with your expectations frustrated
In any environment and in any type of relationship (friendship, work, love), keep something in mind: no one is here to supply all your wants and wants. With this understanding, most of your problems cease to exist.
Understand that who created the expectations was you and that this happened due to the interpretation that you gave to a certain fact. Even if somebody has contributed to your hope in a way, try to gauge how much of it came from the person and how much it was something that you generated.
That said, it does not cover from others what was not promised. Now, if you have come to the conclusion that the person has actually secured something, but failed to do so, a respectful conversation can help solve the problem.
3. Try to understand the behavior of the other
Another important point at the time of relating is empathy. From it, you must understand that each individual has a motive for behaving in a certain way. This is influenced, among other factors, by the life history of each one.
Empathy is not exactly what you would do in someone else’s shoes. When you do this, you fall into the trap of analyzing the situation from your own point of view. Empathy is to understand that each has rights and motives to think and feel differently. So in many situations there may not be someone wrong or right in history.
When you can get a greater perception of the other, it is even easier to unveil what he wants and what exists in what he does not speak, but expect of you.
4. Look for ways to self-motivate
Motivation is what drives us in one direction. It is through her that we have the energy to follow our goals. External factors have great influence on it, but are often uncontrollable. Already internals are those within us, which have to do with our tastes, dreams and goals.
Since we can not always control external conditions, we should ideally not be dependent on them. For this, there are a few secrets, but the main thing is: have multiple goals, small and large. Organize them on a timeline so that keeping them is within reach. It is much easier to look at the goal of a day than the monthly one.
In addition to the greater ease, the smaller goals tend to collaborate to our satisfaction and pride as we make them. You can even give yourself some goodies for each goal accomplished. For example: “If I do all my work until the end of the day, I can see a bit of Netflix.”
Another cool tip is to give yourself moments of rest. They are important for you to return with full focus.
5. Work on your self-knowledge
Here you need to reflect on how you act and feel. Why do you have such emotion and why do you behave in a certain way? Where do your expectations come from? Why do you have or do you have certain limiting beliefs?
Through greater self-awareness, you can discover what pleases you most, how you function best, what you need to feel more comfortable with yourself, and why certain reactions from others hurt you.
With more self-awareness, you understand that much of what you think and feel has to do with your experience. From this, you have more ability to identify what you can do to improve and change the situation.
Remember: when you know yourself, you do not let others define you.
6. Say what you need
Already John Mayer said: “say what you need to say”. He is not a psychologist, but he seems to understand from feelings and relationships. Saying what you need, even if it seems obvious, is important for the message to reach your interlocutor. All relationships need effective communication.
So if you’re upset, say so. If you feel like saying “no,” follow your feelings. If you want things to be done differently, reveal. However, here’s a note: you need to be able to express your emotions and wants with assertiveness.
To be assertive, for psychology, is to have balance at the time of externalizing a request or feeling. It is not to be passive to the point of displeasing oneself just to please the other, and also not to be aggressive, at the risk of causing hurt.
When you are an assertive person, say what you want in a sincere way, but at the same time, gentle and without overcoming the rights of the other. You do not expect someone to guess what you need. You are honest with your own feelings and do not offend anyone.
7. Develop self-control
Self-control is fundamental to emotional intelligence. It concerns the control you have of your own emotions. It does not mean that you will deny to yourself what you feel, nor will you try not to feel what you feel. This is impossible.
In self-control, you already have a deeper self-awareness to identify your emotions and their motive. You accept them, but do not let them get in the way of your relationships or your daily life.
It is with self-control that you can better separate your personal problems. Remember the example given above about fighting at home and discounting stress at work? So.
This ability teaches how to deal with conflicts as well. For example, if your colleague gives you a crossed answer, you do not have to react to the height. Here comes empathy, that is, trying to understand that he has a reason for it.
To do this, try to stop and reflect before reacting. Try to think about the possible negative consequences you would have in behaving in each way. Choose to act in the way that would give more favorable results.
8. Work on self-esteem
Self-esteem is the judgment we make of ourselves. It is so much that we feel adequate or inadequate in the face of a situation.
When it is at a good level, we tend to have healthier, rather than destructive, relationships. We do not accept that they treat us with disrespect. Satisfying self-esteem encourages us to pursue goals and have more beneficial experiences. Low self-esteem leads us to feel insecure, have a sense of incapacity and need to constantly please.
Self-knowledge is the basis of healthy self-esteem. When it is high, it is more difficult for derogatory comments to bother us. So try to identify your strengths.
Want a cool idea? Keep all the praise you have already received in writing. It can be from family, friends, boss, colleagues or clients. Put them together in one place, like a mural or a box. Read them whenever you feel the need.
9. Practice resilience.
Resilience is the ability to persist and not give up even in difficult situations. A resilient person takes a positive view of life’s challenges. She can hear a “no” without collapsing and has the willpower to start over when something goes wrong.
The key to this is being around people who live the same goals as you because they go through the same difficulties and have to deal with the same judgments. The consequence is a greater likelihood of mutual support.
So, if you want to start, walk with whoever wants to be an entrepreneur. If you study for contests, have friends do that too. If you want to be a freelancer, get in touch with who you already are.
Also, when in chaos, try to see the positive side of this. It drives us to change, unlike the lull – and changes can be positive. So, learn from the crises.
You can also seek inspiration from personalities who have overcome difficulties. These people always have something to teach about the importance of persisting.
We talk a lot about emotional intelligence, do not we? After all this conversation, you must have understood more about it and seen how important this feature is to our career and our relationships. If you follow the steps presented here, even if gradually, you will soon see more positive results in your life.